Niceness an outdated virtue?

I’ve been watching some motivational videos, and video after video one thing that is striking by all life coaches is, ‘don’t be too nice.’ That just shakes the whole value system I have grown up with.

I realise the difference of being too nice and just nice, but look at the irony of the dark times we live in, where we are taught to be less nice if we don’t want anyone to take advantage of us.

I also saw a little snippet of a daily soap where they show a little child being vicious and villainous and knows all the conniving tricks, obviously taking cue from the mother. It got me thinking the impact playing this character will have on her personal life and how she will learn about all the immoral things humans do to make themselves better off. Does this child go home and think about her poor characterisation when she’s alone? Do thoughts of actual immortality cross her innocent mind and will she grow up taking any of those bad traits from her character? That the broadcast ministry should ban such shows is a long topic of debate for another day and time. These are things we are facing and it’s such a sorry time to live in.

Having said that, I am trying very hard and might have to take the help of some specialist to train myself into shedding some of my moral lessons of niceness if I want to live a good stress free life. Honestly, it’s already stressing me out and hence I am writing this.

I would really like to know what your thoughts are.

Much love.

#Guiltfree #NicenessByeBye

Be adult enough to walk away from the nonsense of idiots around you.

Have you ever encountered that friend, colleague, relative who gives you unsolicited advice, act cheap, gossip about you, criticise you to a point where you are left with your jaw on the floor? Isn’t ‘mutual respect’ a two-way street?

If the answer is yes, then it’s time for introspection as to what is it that you are doing that’s leading other people to misbehave with you.

I thought about it endlessly and I wasn’t able to identify a concrete reason, but I read a lot of material on why people are mean. ‘Don’t discuss your problems with people,’ and as the famous saying goes, 70% are glad you have them and 20% won’t bother. The minute you share a personal problem with someone you think you can trust, it’s a direct invite for your so-called well wishers to run you down. They rub salt on your injuries by acting superior or giving you unsolicited advice based on their perfect life and downplaying your accomplishments, health or any other crisis by saying, ‘it’s all in your head, you make things up.’

This also happens when we try hard to fit in a group, and that comes from our deep rooted need for validation. Don’t seek validation outside- you are your own person, start by loving yourself and do something that automatically boosts your confidence.

This is not to say that there are only bad apples in the world. Some people have a lot of empathy, compassion and they do really care. However, people are largely becoming brash, insensitive and treat your hardship as their entertainment.

If you have any such friend, relative, family member who fits in the above category, it’s time to leave. You could choose to be direct or simply limit your interactions to a bare minimum.

There are number of reasons why empaths are decreasing:

1- People are obviously letting someone down to make themselves feel better.

2- Simple jealously! It doesn’t require rocket science to spot that jealous pal who would wish hell to fall upon you, while they still can be very nice to you to your face.

3- The gossip mongerers. If they are maligning someone in front of you, be rest assured you are being maligned some place else too. So say no to any gossip- it can harm someone’s feelings and reputation.

4- I see a lot of people are so busy in dissecting other’s lives, that they forget about their own mental growth. What is mental growth? Reading, educating yourself and improving your quality of life.

5- Most people don’t believe in merit and think whatever you’ve achieved is an outcome of some jack or source. They are the ones who’ve inherited everything from their ancestors, hence that inferiority complex makes them nasty to anyone who is self made.

Classic example of this is the Bhakt vs Liberal debate amongst Indians. People are ready to sacrifice their relationships, and don’t hesitate calling you names just because you have a different opinion. 

Also when it happens to you, just make sure to:

1- Pray for their well being, as that shouldn’t let your soul power to deplete. Create good vibrations and protect your aura.

2-You could express your displeasure honestly and hope they take it in good spirit.

2- You can silently reduce contact. It’s better to have no friends than have toxic ones.

Any person who doesn’t contribute to your growth, mental, spiritual or emotional is anyway not worth sitting with.

Then there are people who expect you to be good hosts but will never take the helm. People who bother you with requests of a treat when something good happens with you, waste your time when it’s convenient for them, whine about their life, yet happily dine and wine at your cost without any shame and never think it’s appropriate for them to reciprocate. They crawl silently into your life like a poor version of Sherlock Holmes, to find out what’s happening in your life, what all you possess and how they can now sabotage your reputation. You need to get rid of such people ASAP.

It’s sad that relationships are fast losing their meaning. But hey, grab that book or a YouTube video and other educational material and you have a friend, family without any malice.

#FriendsOrFoes #StopFeedingBadEnergy #MeanPeople #Friends #LifeRules

Sore About Sri

I have been reading people’s posts who are simply upset about Sridevi given the state funeral and comparing it to the army personnel’s and what not.

Let’s not take away the achievements of the departed soul. The amount of crowd that flew, gathered to get the glimpse of their favourite star was simply overwhelming. She was working since the age of four and her contribution to cinema is something most people and even stars can only think of. So many actresses (not Aishwarya Rai, Rani or even Madhuri Dixit) in this industry tried to make a comeback post their marriage breaks and just couldn’t get that kind of attention that Sridevi did with her come back movie English Vinglish.

She was a star who left behind such a great  legacy and very Big shoes to fill in.

It’s so easy to be an armchair critic and pass comments and dismissing the achievements of other people. I wish people who write all this can even come close to what the mega star achieved in her five decade long career. I pray her kids are happy in whatever they choose to do.

And yes there is a growing sentiment for respect about the army men on social media lately, I would like to know how many of these armchair men themselves or sent their kids to serve the country? If you can’t do it, don’t be sore about others. It’s unfair to take away due credit from anyone’s achievement in any field.

#Sridevi #Arymen #Statefuneral

Sridevi The Legend

It’s definitely not the best time to say this, but I am like many of you have been extremely-extremely disturbed/sad by Sridevi’s untimely demise. The cause is speculated to be Fat embolism, caused by keto diet. Her lip surgery last month also went wrong. I mean really?!!

Now we as a society put so much pressure on stars to look so good, larger than life persona. If they look just like any normal human, there is bad press.

Gone are the days when actresses aged gracefully, they didn’t shy away from the little bulge, the salt and pepper look, their low key life, we didn’t die to see them outside a famous gym or a dietician. I loved how Aishwarya took her own sweet time to shed her weight after giving birth. They are humans too and so are we, it’s alright to just be yourself and be unaffected by any judgements. Be kind guys. We truly lost a mega life today because of society pressure.

Image source-Google

#SriDevi #EndOfMegaStar

Maid-a-Woe

This issue somehow comes organically to me. Dealing with the domestic staff.

You ask anyone in Delhi and there is a perpetual complaint, ‘maid bhaag gayi, tere pass hai?’ ‘Mera cook is on leave, I am so troubled.’

With me, this has been a constant issue ever since I started my household of my own and sometimes I still feel I am pretty naive when it comes to dealing with domestic help. You go to an agency to find efficient home staff and at first they introduce you to the most efficient, smart looking peeps. And you can’t believe your luck and for 3-4 months all is hunky dory and dogs are happy, the house runs smoothly and I can finally socialise too.

Then after the honeymoon phase, if you are lucky, before even a year ends the staff begins to create ruckus either- their relatives die and they gotta rush to their village or they fight with other Househelp in the house, or just ‘man nahin lagta.’ (Do I perform mujra for their man or what? )

I ask so many people what is the best formula to retain a good staff for a longer duration and nobody- trust me, not even your bestie- gives the gurumantra of this tricky question. If you are too strict they say, ‘madam bahut gussa karti hain, hence I will run.’ If you are too nice, they mistake that for desperation.

My observation is that it’s these agencies who are behind the scam of first introducing you to your dream staff and the minute he gets a new contract, he/she starts to destabilise your current staff and they then run havoc, to create scenarios to run.

At one time I held salary of one person and the agency actually threatened to falsely implicate me or my husband. We brought it to the notice of our local police station. It’s not what I did to the agency later that’s important, but what pains me is that you invest emotionally, financially and of course intellectually also by teaching them from scratch and according to your household needs and once you feel, ‘ah bliss! The girl is trained’ the girl or boy runs.

Not just that, I pay them handsome salaries and still they don’t stick, I am rather lenient too. I pay them airplane tickets for their comfort to come from their villages and all I get to hear is, ‘you did that because you needed me, not for my comfort.’

By being nice and thinking about karmic BS when I’m only subject to con people, I feel I might as well be bad. 😈. However my late father always taught me to be the bigger person, to be more gracious, magnanimous and without bothering how the other person will respond, and I have lived mostly by his teachings and lessons, but with doubt lately.

This is obviously not meant to be a sorry rich kid rant, but it’s time we face the fact that domestic staff is important, since it has been a part of Indian culture and our lifestyles are built this way.

Anubha Gujral

16/02/18

#MeToo

#METOO

It’s devastating to see how terribly humanity has failed, and how many women and men are opening up about sexual crimes they have faced. Sexual harassment of any nature is not do to with my face, my race, my colour but it’s the predator and his upbringing that is questionable! Teach your kids of both genders to open up and say NO to any sort of sexual abuse. And teach them the importance of consent, because all sexual predators are sons, daughters, spouses, and siblings. They are part of the same society that we are.

#WomenWithWomen #ItsNotAMarkOfShame #OpenUp #SpeakUpAgainstSexualAbuse

My Valentine/ No Thank You!

It’s a rant day today and I have tried really hard to stay off social media lately, but it’s good to sometimes share with my online friends as in the real world I seem to be having issues with people. People who are family, your own blood relations give you hard time with their extremely nasty behaviour.

Lately I’ve been struggling with my daughter’s health all by myself and even though I can boast of a large familia, but in reality, my own haven’t called me once to ask how she is, so much so I have to even prove that I am not lying about her health. It seems I am asked to stand in a witness box to prove the reason of my absence from family events, wherein I really don’t have any obligation to meet anyone.

It’s rather frustrating, so in this desperate bid I am helping myself through this by watching positivity videos, practising manifestation to remain sane with the narcissistic, selfish people around me. Upon seeking help from a spiritual guide, I was told, ‘why do you take so much crap, give it back!’

  1. In the same breath the same counsellor tells me, ‘guess what, you are possessed.’ I mean are we even humans anymore or man eats man is literally how we are living our lives? So today I wish to say to all the fucking idiots, ‘YES BITCH I AM BETTER THAN YOU, I ACKNOWLEDGE MY DAUGHTER AS MY DAUGHTER AND DON’T CALL HER MY SISITER.’